Why do you bother?

I sometimes have a conversation with myself where I ask why do you bother? In other words, why do I bother writing these things in a blog that is basically read by myself and maybe a few others. I guess I have gotten to the point where I want some of me to be evident after spending the majority of life in a mask or cover-up. I was beyond shy, I was a misanthrope for a long time. It wasn't that I absolutely hated others or couldn't tolerate them. I truly never believed I should be liked or loved or seen or heard. That belief, fueled from the time I was six, pushed me further underground and various scenes ran through my life to cement that fact. I hated myself with a passion that perhaps was unknown to most people. Well being an adult at this point I have learned self-acceptance to some level, although the voices slip in now and again. I see the children in my family grow and I want them to know me on a different level than just Aunt Kara. I am a human being who was prone to wrecklessness, self-deprication and self-harm. I am not a perfect human being and although the aunt in me is a responsible adult who wishes the kids could remain protected forever, the human being in me knows that is an impossible feat. It's okay kids to realize the harshness of life and be unafraid of it. Being aware is a good defense against a lot of crap you will see in your lifetime. Find the voice within you to be strong individuals, accept the bad in you and work to improve, work to the good. Remember that not everything an adult or mentor says will be true or good for you. Mull it over and use that big brain. Don't be afraid to ask difficult questions or state your opinions. Be brave for yourself and for the families you will one day have. Money problems will only improve if you work to improve them. Same with your personal life. Grades or academic endeavors are fixable. Don't let this stuff fry you or make you bitter. Accept the difficulties, chalk it up to experience and move on! Work early on to take care of yourself. Be independent. Don't do things because others want you to, do them because you want to. Investigate all of your options in life before jumping into some big commitment. Question surgeries, medicines and practices and look at alternatives. Treat money with respect as debt can bury a person faster than the grave. I have loads of advice for my neice and nephews and those other kids who adopted me as Aunt Kara. And one big one... respect your body throughout your life. Don't abuse it! You'll be thankful when you are suddenly older and don't have health problems! I say these things because I wish to pass on advice. Heck I didn't have an Aunt Kara to tell me things and with the physical, emotional and mental energy a parent gives out sometimes they need a little support from their siblings, those aunts and uncles of the world sans kids. Why on earth would this be a part of my personal mythology? I guess because no matter what, I want to be able to be there for the kids. I look at the world in general and worry... for all these kids will have on their plate as they grow up and be parents. The next generation and beyond needs wisdom to come from those before. They need the respect we can give them of being upfront and honest. No, things won't ever be easy and the older you get, the more difficult life can become however when you learn to rely on you the hard times don't seem so hard. Problems are fixable. I pray for those kids... for their protection and their wisdom. Self-love is a priceless gift. When you learn to truly love yourself (and I don't mean be in love with yourself) then you learn how to care for others. Things become more clear. And one should never fear love.